I only got to really watch the semi online last night! Pretty much only heard/seen these songs for the first time as I watched the show, so my reactions are fresh, uninformed and unlike previous years, I didn't get the chance to get to know or my own feel for the songs before this stage. So, let the debate begin fellow Eurovisioneers and the show begin:
Is there some bargain bin somewhere in Europe that gets dipped into annually to pull out random bad hosts of live shows like this? If so, we're suffering from the pickings from it tonight again. We're also suffering from a similar bargain bin choice of writers who are scripting their banter! I am not 100% certain but I think that the woman (model) who is hosting this is one of the runners up from America's Next Top Model a few seasons ago. She's just as irritating here as she was on that (yeah, I admit watching Top Model, what about it?). As for the host fella, honestly, could last year's winner Dima Bilan not have done this and better??
Anyhoo, there's a strange folk fairy tale being told and acted out on-screen/stage with lots of really cool visual FX but I don't get it at all, so to sum that part up for you, "Once upon a time, lots of girls and boys from around Europe and other ancillary nations that somehow qualify as Europe even if they're not at all, wrote and sang songs in their own countries, then winners were magically chosen and they all entered the world's biggest singing competition that this year is being held in wonderful, fabulous, cosmopolitan (see how much of a fairytale this truly is?), and dynamic Moscow. This is their story..."
Finally, the twerp hosts get to the point and the show begins with...
MONTENEGRO - This song is OK, she performed it well. Like the simplicity of no stage shenanigans and whatever that guy in the white pants was doing, he made me hold my attention longer than I normally would. Oh, and she's hot too.
CZECH REPUBLIC - Nuts! There's always one of these circus/clownish silliness songs. Actually, let me correct myself, nowadays Eurovision usually has about 7-10 of them! This is dreadful. Not dreadful in some cool, fun way. Just, plain, simple, dreadful.
BELGIUM - Sorry Koen, what is this about? It's better that Elvis stayed dead.
BELARUS - It's nice to see that Siegfried & Roy have found something else to do now that they've retired from Vegas and recovered from the tiger mauling incident, which may have helped make this more enjoyable. Where do they get these middle-aged, dyed blonde long-haired, I-refuse-to-age-but-only-in-my-mind guys from???
SWEDEN - What a departure for normally "poppy song with the Eurovision power key shift at the bridge" Sweden! I kind of like it. Love the whiteness of everything on the staging/performance but while this lady is killer on the operatic parts of the song, sadly singing the verses her voice is grim. And she looks like Charlotte Nilsson's (or Pirelli, or whatever she calls herself this year) mother!
ARMENIA - So this is what happens when two girls are apprenticed by Darth Vader and embrace the dark side of The Force. What is this about? Ugh! Let's just keep this song in a galaxy far, far away please.
ANDORRA - Nice to see that Geri Halliwell (aka Ginger Spice) has found something fun to do. Well, apart from holding down her skirt from that wind machine that constantly threatened to show her nether regions. Cute song, going nowhere.
SWITZERLAND - Er, no. Just, no.
TURKEY - Didn't they do this number back in Riga a few years back and Serteb win for them? This woman sounds like a man. Not a fan. Why is everyone loving this? Perhaps it's one of those that sounds better in a recording but live this just didn't work for me. This is such a hot pick by so many others I am normally in step with, so what I'm not getting here?
ISRAEL - Oh, some kind of Russian cultural moment. What a cute lesbian couple playing with their drums. No wait, this is a song? Never mind. Moving on...
BULGARIA - This is the glorious debacle of the night. People who cannot sing, staged/choreographed/costumed by someone who took Eurovision kitsch waaaay too far. The most fun part was watching Elvira stroll around the stage attempting to harmonize with that man who sounded like a tuneless castrato.
ICELAND - This is my fave! Yohanna DottyDottirsdottir or whatever is gorgeous, the staging is wonderful, simple, not too "power ballady", just a sweet, simple melody. By far the best song in this semi final. It harkens back to the days about 15-20 years ago when songs like this did well. I so want her to win. Please vote for Yohanna, please, please, pleasedottir!
FYR MACEDONIA - Did we just step through a time warp and end up in Top of the Pops circa 1975? Is that Noddy Holder from Slade? Enough, let's hurry and back through the time warp to 2009 please.
ROMANIA - I like this. She can sing well live and it's the usual all girl group, pop, dance routine. It's cute. But probably doomed.
FINLAND - OK, prepared to hate this as it started but this guy/girl combo work really well together. A bit of a non-hard rock departure for Finland, which of course will probably commit them to oblivion but I liked it.
PORTUGAL - Nada.
MALTA - Oh look, it's Chiara! Back for her 3rd attempt at a win and even heavier than before! This woman can sing, has a great voice but honestly, if she couldn't win with her two great songs from years past where she was a close runner up both times, this song isn't going to do it for her. Those other songs were waaay better. She'll be in the final and get the Johnny Logan, multiple attempts points but I doubt she'll win.
BOSNIA & HERCEGOVINA - This is like DJ Bobo switched nationalities and changed costumes from Vampires Are Alive to be an odd military marching band. So, left, right, left and march right out of the competition too please, for all I care.
The "postcards" in-between each song are, as usual, odd. What's with the Russian language lessons?? Like, if I visit, it's really important for me to know the words "Siberia" and "dance" in Russian (yes, in that order of learning). Well, if I went there, maybe I would need to know them, as a gulag could be in my future. And each postcard ends with a girl wearing a town on her head. I think. Is this art? The stage and surrounding effects, etc. are incredible this year. As usual, the co-hosts are dreadful. Their attempts at innuendo are abysmal. Can't some voiceover do this job by now? Actually no, my schoolfriend Ann Marie and I (who practiced and played Eurovision Song Contest from ages 9-12 or so, were excellent at this part, so we're pros at the bilingual bit) would be waaay better.
So, after voting, the songs/countries joining the final will be:
Israel - WTF??!?!?!?Malta - no surpriseBosnia Hercegovina - huh?
Iceland - YEAH! But they called it last! I was very worried for Yohanna
Sweden - Expected
Portugal - I give up!
Finland - Yay!
Romania - Nice! (shameful to admit it but yes, I'm happy)
Turkey - Please, no
Armenia - The dark side of the Force was with them tonight, but their destiny lies another way
Pathetically, I am kind of lovin' that Eurovision has expanded to a 3 night campfest. Bring on tonight's second semi final...
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